56
games into a 56 game season and I was finally struck by the urge to put
together a roadtrip blog for all of the Ice Bear fans who have been asking for
one all season. It’s not that I don’t enjoy blogging and it doesn't have
anything to do with a lack of content – this year’s edition of the Ass Bears is
good for many entertaining story worthy moments – it’s simply due to the fact
that I spend most of my hours on the road hoping that we don’t end up along the
side of it. One of the truly consistent and realistic parts of coaching a team
at this level is the fact that transportation, scheduling and everything that
lies in between usually require an “it is what it is” mindset to get through
it.
The Ice
Bears travel on a Prevost bus that, to put it nicely, is roughly 500,000 miles
past its prime. The organization purchased “the pig” 6 years ago and though it
has served honorably during its tenure as our primary transportation and we've
had the luxury of owning, not leasing over that time period; I’ll be motioning
that we trade it in for a box of Fruit by the Foot and some seat cushions for
the Coliseum this summer.
This
morning’s road trip kicked off in style with veteran forward Matt Pierce
pulling the wool over Kevin Flather’s eyes in convincing fashion. Since the
trip to Desoto County is too long for one driver to make the trip up and back
in one day by himself, we use a back-up driver to cover the couple of hours
that remain in excess. Our back-up driver Jeff Christian sits in the navigation
chair up next to the driver and when Flats’ stepped up onto the bus he was a
little confused by the new face. He turned to Piercey and said, “who’s that
guy?” Without missing a beat and with a straight face Piercey answered, “Mikey
brought in a new forward for the playoffs.”
For
those reading this blog who are familiar with the culture of professional
hockey, you’re already chuckling a little bit. For those of you who aren’t,
well….. the daily life of a hockey player at this level consists of constant
roster moves, job uncertainty and regular doses of humble pie and self-doubt.
Flather is a fairly new player for this organization having only been with us
for just over a month and that only adds to the uncertainty. After letting
Piercey’s information register for a minute, Flats’ began his investigation and
sat back listening to Jeff chat with the guys and Lynn, the other driver. To
try and paint a picture of Jeff’s “demeanor” for my readers, let’s just say
that if you listened to him talk for ummmm, let’s say 10 seconds, it would be
pretty clear that he’s a Southern fella. Jeff has an unmistakably heavy
Southern drawl and could be fairly referred to as a good ole boy.
This
only confused Flats’ more. First of all, why would we be bringing in a new
player with 1 game left in the season? Second of all, why would he get one of
the prime seats on the bus? And thirdly, he seemed a little older than most
players at this level appeared to be. “Where’d he play?” Flat’s asked.
“Somewhere in West Virgina. Old teammate of Oly’s.” Answered Piercey. “What’s
he play?” Flat’s wondered. “I dunno man. Power forward or something.” Fired
back Piercey.
Kevin
Flather processed this cruel joke for about 10-15 minutes in the back of the
bus after alerting all the rest of the forwards who were unaware that somebody
may be losing their job shortly before it finally dawned on him; it was a joke!
That little charade got us almost to the Watt Rd exit and 20 miles into our 400
mile trek. A good start to the day.
Another
staple of the Ice Bear Express would be the ongoing jockeying for bunk
seniority. The set-up of this particular interior allowed for only 12 sleeping
bunks and limited space for lounging, and more importantly, sleeping. The 12
most senior players on the roster from Olauson at the top plus whoever is the
starting goalie that night all roll into the bunks and take up vacancy. After
that there is “U” shaped couch in the back of the bus which is referred to as
the “rookie ranch” because it is usually home to a handful of least senior
guys. The ranch can sleep 2 on the couch and then a foam mattress is placed on
the floor to accommodate a 3rd body. This is always an entertaining
scenario as well because in order for the rookie ranch to achieve a complete
state of lights out and sleep, everyone has to be in agreement that it’s
bedtime. As you can probably guess, that is a rare occurrence. Some guys like
to stay up late after games, some guys don’t nap as much during the day trips,
some guys talk on the phone, some guys want to watch TV, and on and on.
With 12
bunks, 3 sleeping in the ranch and the entire front of the bus converted into a
lounge with no bunks, that leaves only one solution for the remaining 3 or 4
players; the floor. Now before you get the wrong impression – these guys aren’t
sleeping on the cold hard floor of a bus – they have foam mattresses too.
Thought not the most luxurious place to spend the night or the day of a
professional hockey game, they do the trick nicely for us and the guys have
gotten used to it. One thing they haven’t gotten used to though, are the ever
changing temperatures caused by foam mattresses and bodies jammed up against
the air vents and intakes along the base of the interior.
“BUSSY! TAKE A LOG OFF THE FIRE.”
“CAN WE GET SOME A/C BACK HERE”
“IT’S 100 DEGREES ON THIS &%$#@!#$ BUS BRO.”
The
solution is not usually as simple as flipping a switch to make it cooler
either. The problem is usually either the lack of air flow, a blown fuse,
leaking freon, a generator malfunction or all of the above. By the time the
problem has been diagnosed there are usually several sweaty, miserable hockey
players yelling at each other and bellyaching like three year olds in the back
while all of the staff in the front laugh. It seems funny while I’m typing it,
but there is certainly an uncomfortable level that we can all understand when
you’re cooped up on a bus along with 23 other people, there is nowhere to go
and the air conditioning goes out.
This
particular bus trip was missing a key component and cast member of the squad
though with the absence of forward Brett Valliquette, who adds a certain
ingredient of his own to all situations. Vally is usually in the center of any
argument, discussion or story that takes place (whether he was involved
initially or not) on this bus and it usually ends with him being banished to
his bunk because he has annoyed everyone around him. It’s extremely hard to
escape or find any shelter from the Viper in such a small, tight area at the
front of the bus and Brett has a fairly short window of time to interact before
I kick him out. I think my favorite Valliquette-ism would have to be the trip
he tried to convince everyone that if you were judging his looks or level of
attraction to the opposite sex on a scale of 1 – 10, that he was unarguably a
12.
“Boys. Figure it out. I’m a 12 bro.”
“Who told you that Vally, your mom?”
I think that a certain number of miles and
years on the road kind of develops a certain attitude when it comes to the
situations that arise. Most players and a lot of my guys have seen their fair
share of bus trips and could fill 100 blogs with the stories that they have
heard or been a part of.
One
story that comes to mind from this season involves our equipment manager Mark
“Psycho” Williamson and the early stages of a stomach virus that began
spreading through the team. We had just won 3 games in a row, including back to
back overtime wins in Biloxi, so I thought the guys deserved a little time to
celebrate their hard work and success. We decided to spend a few hours at the
Hard Rock Casino on the Gulf Coast before we hit the highway and the night
turned out to be a great time had by all; until Psycho’s stomach started
turning on him.
We were
about 30 minutes up the highway en route back to Knoxville and most of the
staff including myself had traded out their seats in the front of the bus with
players who weren't quite ready to call it a night for bunks. Psycho was
wrapped up in his blanket and situated in the first bottom bunk on the right
and had just settled in for some rest when his guts began barking.
Picture
this: you’re in a bunk about 7 ft long and a foot ½ high locked onto a moving
vehicle full of hockey players who are enjoying the spoils of victory all
around you and probably not the most helpful of bedside nurses at the time. The
aisle that leads to the only toilet on the bus is a very narrow hallway and is
currently littered with bodies, items and all sorts of everything else. The
light in your bunk stopped working back in 1997, you can’t see, there is loud
music blaring and the stomach virus that you’re picked up isn’t waiting one
second longer.
Have
you ever taken a new garbage bag out from under the sink and spent 3-5 minutes
trying to figure out which end is the top and which is the bottom? Once you
determine which is which, it’s usually another few minutes of squeezing the two
sides together to try and open it up. Well……. The boys gave Psycho a brand new
garbage bag to spend the night in his bunk with and well - - - - it was a rough
one.
“It’s
on me!”
“What
is that smell bro?”
“Vally
is puking.”
“So is
Plow.”
“Dude,
that reeks.”
“I’m
gonna throw up.”
“Pull
over.”
“Is the
air conditioning working?”
We are
approaching the welcoming city limits of Southaven, MS and some of the fellas’
are staggering sleepy eyed out of their caves after a long trip of slumber so I
will wrap things up for today, thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of the
day.
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